I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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