I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
