my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
