My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
