No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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