The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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