Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
