I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
