As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
