so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
