New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
