dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
