even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
