I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
