Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
