You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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