I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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