I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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