Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
