Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
