go do what you do best...puke behind churches
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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