Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've blown a few things in my day
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
