Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
