Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was born a porn star she said
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
