Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize