: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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