ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
