I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
