Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
