She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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