you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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