Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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