He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
