Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
