You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
