i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
