I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i barfeds in our rink
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
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I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT