I need to stop coming to work sober
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.