omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do vagina's smell?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
