Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
