I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
