you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
