if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
