i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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