I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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