Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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