i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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