He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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