So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
