Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
