The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
