my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
