Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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