i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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