I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
