i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
