I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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