Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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